So I finally finished my stupid job, and guess what? I got called today to go in for an interview at the Superstore just up the road, and if I get the job, they'll start me at the same amount I was getting paid when I left my old job! So why didn't I listen to everyone before and quit a few months ago? I'm not sure, but I'm glad I finally did. The only downside is that they mainly want me to work evenings, though they thought I was still in school, so perhaps that will change after the interview, and I have to be available Friday evenings and all-day saturday-sunday, which leaves not much time for seeing people, but soon everyone will be on vacation anyways, and hopefully we can start getting together during the week.
I have awesome pink nails from the walk for BCA I did on sunday, it sucked to have to get up, and leave so early, but it was actually a lot of fun.
I have to go clean the kitchen so my mother doesn't get angry, and then my room, so she can start giving me paid work around the house, and let me out to all the things I'm doing this weekend.

Star

Yeah, I know I'm doing brilliantly at this whole posting, and posting useful stuff, but it's me, deal with it. Maybe that's why I haven't been added as a link yet, maybe I'm too boring, or too emotional. I'm such a sucker, I handed in my 2 weeks notice at work, and then what do I do? Agree to stay another week and a half. Why? because I, unlike most people who work there, have a conscience. It was my birthday yesterday! and I got an awesome camera, I would've never asked for it, but it's awesome, and tiny and will be SO cool to take to Italy, and everywhere else I ever go. Incase you haven't noticed, I'm a *bit* obsessive......and random..........spastic...........and CrAzY.........
Anywho..........I also picked up the second volume of the Firefly Companion thingy, haven't had much of a chance to look at it, but it seems very shiny. More on that when I have had time to read it through.
I should really get to bed because I have to work again tomorrow, but I don't really feel like it.
I also feel neglected, I am not something you can just push aside until you're finished what you think is more important. I won't always just sit around waiting for you to be done everything else until you finally have time for me, it doesn't work that way, it shouldn't work that way. I realise I haven't been the most open and agreeable person lately, but that gives you no right to shove me away until you feel you've got nothing more important then to deal with me and all my stupid worthless issues like stress and depression and so many other things that you know. I've been through hell this past week and it's like you couldn't care less. Something needs to change. Everything needs to change. I need to change, but I can't and everyone keeps telling me it's just because I think I can't or whatever, but I've tried, you just don't understand how hard I've bloody tried. It scares me, change, I don't want to leave my job, my house, my friends, because then I have to find somethng new, and I have to meet new people, and be judged, and open up about thing and I'm bad at it, I'm just plain bad at being around people. I feel like I can't trust anybody, and it's awful, it really is and I *wish* I could change, I honesly do, I'm not lying, think what you want, but I'm not, and I've tried, and it's not worked.

I think you've probably had more then enough of my pointless drivel for now, so I'll bid you goodnight, and until next time,
Star

I really don't know where to begin this post. As some of you may know I'm very involved with Girl Guides and just about an hour ago received news that one of the guiders in our district has died. While I did not ever work in the same unit as her, I attended many camps and events over the past few years with her, and have done Brownies with her sister for some years now. She was a great person, and a brilliant guider. She had so much energy and excitement about everything that was happening, she always brought a smile to everyone's face when she was around. I'm sorry if this sounds too much like a eulogy or something but as stated before this is a place for me to spread my thoughts. I think I'll go for a walk and perhaps let out some of the things I've been holding inside, thankfully my mother went out for coffee with her friend and my sister is at work. I feel as always that I must be strong for them when they are around and do everything I can to help them, even if it means hurting myself. I really don't know what else to say, so for now farewell. I may add more onto this when I get back, hopefully with a clearer head.

Star

An Introduction

It's feeling very late for me, but it seemed silly to make up a blog and not at least put *something* on it the first day, however short it may be. Those who know me probably can guess without being told who I am, and I doubt that this will be of any interest to anybody anyways. I warn you now there are no guarantees that I will update regularly, or write about witty or intelligent things, but if you've got a spare minute every now and then, check back and see what I've come up with. It may seem as though I'm just following the masses, but I did actually have a blog about 2 years back, of course I believe it only has about 3 posts on it which I would loathe to read now I'm sure. I am hoping that I will be able to write something worthwhile every once and a while, and it might even help me feel better if I get things out, or write it out I might be able to sort through my thoughts better, it's unlikely, but it's a nice dream


Now I really must head to bed, as I have been so exhausted lately and must work tomorrow, perhaps I shall write more there if time allows. Until then I bid you all farewell.

Star